We've all been there. One minute you're on Cloud 9 and the next, you're falling all the way down from Mount Relationship.
It hurts, its depressing, it really really sucks.
But you know what? There's always a light at the end of that sad tunnel.
I too have had my share of heartbreaks, and there were also times when I had to do the dirty job of breaking up with the poor guy. Whether I'm on the receiving end or not, its not pretty for both parties.
After going through a few relationships, the most important lesson I've learned is this: only you have the power to decide if you're gonna thrive from it, or let your life crumble.
The Best Breakup Ever
That's right. The best breakup I've ever had to go through was also the most painful one of all. He was my first love, my first relationship. We were crazy about each other, we even planned our future together. All seemed to be so rosy and beautiful when you love someone who loves you back.
Of course, current circumstances prevented us from continuing our relationship and so we had both our hearts broken because of it. I cried for days on end, I didn't want to speak to anyone, nor did I even bother to go out for months. I was so depressed.
But one day, a voice within spoke up and said "Enough is enough! Its time you stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it." And I did. The first thing I did was to travel a bit, have a change of scenery and think about how I could make myself happy. I knew I could never be back with him again, but is there something else about myself which I could do to make ME happy?
There was. All throughout my youth, I was always ridiculed for being overweight. A fat girl. It has always bothered me for a long time and there were times it has driven me to tears.
So that was it. I was gonna lose weight, and I was gonna look the best I could possibly be.
8 months and -20 kilos later, I felt a lot more confident; my clothes fit better, I could wear trendier clothes, people started complimenting me, and most of all, I've never felt so beautiful in my life. This time, I knew I didn't need a man to tell me that. I felt like I was glowing inside and out.
And because of my new found confidence, I started opening up and making new friends, I dressed better, and I was a lot more open to new experiences. Looking back, if I had stayed in that relationship, I wouldn't have grown as much as I did, and I would've probably be content where I was.
So if you have any doubts on why breakups shouldn't be as sucky as it seems, here are a few reasons why it can be a good thing for you.
1. An Opportunity to GROW
Not only will it benefit you, but if you wanna get your revenge on your ex, this is the best way to do it. Focus on yourself, upgrade on the things you would've liked to work on if you weren't in a relationship.
Not happy with your body? Go to the gym. Not earning as much? Keep grinding! Have a bad temperament? Work with a therapist to improve your EQ.
The more you upgrade yourself, the better you feel about your confidence and self-esteem. Best of all? You'll be attracting better partners and even leave your ex seething at you. Because you're the upgrade, and any man or woman who sees that in you will surely be wrapped around your fingers.
2. You Learn
Just like every experience in any trade, the more you go through them, the more you learn.
During your relationship, perhaps there were things you may have overlooked in either yourself or your partner. The rose stained glasses blinds you from all the warning signs of a bad relationship and you choose not to see it because you're in love!
When I go through a breakup, I felt like as if a veil has been lifted off. Sure, I was very hurt when he decided to leave, but it got me thinking about whether the relationship was perfect after all. Once I listed everything that might have been wrong in the relationship, it helped evaluate myself; did I do something wrong? Is there something I could've done better?
But most importantly, I look towards learning on what I could do better in the next relationship; should I be open from the very beginning? How can I address certain issues in a better way?
In this way, experience has helped me learn how to spot the genuine ones from the monkeys and it has taught me on what I really want in a relationship.
A few years back, I used to think I could do the casual relationships because I wasn't interested in a anything serious. Next thing I knew, I found that I got attached to someone and unfortunately he didn't feel that way. I was severely disappointed when he said he couldn't reciprocate the same feelings I had for him. But from that hurt, I learned that I should've been more honest with myself and with him, and that I could've prevented that hurt if I had address this issue sooner.
3. No More Time Wasted
Especially when it comes to women, the worst thing that could happen in a relationship is time wasted. You keep waiting and waiting, hoping that he'll take the relationship to the next level, but he never does and he never will.
I was fortunate that mine didn't end much later in the relationship, but to those who's relationship has ended after more than 5 years, I feel for you. I really do.
The most frustrating part about the breakup is knowing that you have wasted your time with the wrong person. But then again, as awful as it sounds, we can always assume that it could've been worse; what if you wasted another 10 years with this person? What if you got married and had a child together? What if you've been married 60 years and he leaves you for a young prostitute?
I dunno, but this is especially for the young and broken-hearted; don't be sad that it ended so soon, be glad that you have more time to move forward.
Sometimes, relationships can tie you down. You wanna migrate to another country, but what about your partner? Will you convince him/her to come with you, or do you stay where you are just because you wanna be together?
When my ex-partner said that he wanted to be free and travel the world, I was deeply saddened, but at the same time, I understood. When the relationship is serious, there are so many things to consider, and this takes two people who really want to make it work. If one of them doesn't feel that way, what can you do?
Letting go of a relationship also means you are free to make reckless choices; go volunteer in Africa, learn Mandarin in Taiwan, hike the peaks of Machu Pichu, do all the things you could've done without a partner in tow! I believe after doing all the things you truly want to do, you will certainly be in the right mind to settle down for the right person.
Finally, how do you exit a relationship gracefully?
There was one thing I learned from Dita Von Teese, a woman of absolute grace and class. And when it comes to dealing with a breakup, she said "You keep your dignity. At all times. No matter how heart broken you are, you keep your dignity and decorum."
Be respectful of your partner's decision, forgive, and move forward. That is really the best thing you can do for yourself.
To all those going through a rough breakup, virtual hugs and kisses to all of you. You will get through this, and I promise, it will be better <3.
Its not easy being a girl. Whether you're single or not, there's always certain expectations to maintain being groomed and well dressed to look presentable to society.
Not that I'm complaining though. While I have respect for the women who are comfortable in nature's gift, I personally prefer to keep my lawn well manicured.
I may be single, but I feel that sense of empowerment when I look my best. Because the only person who's validation that matters is myself alone.
So I've been a loyal customer of Bubble Gum Wax for about 2 years now. Waxing with them is almost painless, don't listen to the radio DJs who tried waxing themselves.
Honestly, men can be such drama queens.
The staff are always very friendly; they could have long conversations with you while waxing your hoo haa, as if we're sitting in a hipster cafe over coffee. I get distracted talking to them and the service is always very quick, so its not bad at all! I highly recommend this place especially if you're a first timer here.
Anyway, it was during my usual session when my therapist asked if I'd consider trying Intense Pulsed Light (IPL) treatment instead of waxing since I come here quite frequently.
Photo Credit: Bubble Gum Wax
How does it work?
So yeah, does IPL really work? That's what I'd like to find out.
Basically, IPL works by emitting a wavelength into the skin, which in the case of hair removal targets pigment. When light is absorbed by the pigment in the hair. It quickly turns to heat which then kills the growing cells that make the hair.
This means that it only works if you have dark hair against fair skin for the IPL to properly identify and zap those hairs away easily. Sorry, blondies. :(
A few sessions of IPL and eventually the effects will either be permanent, or there will be significantly less hair after a few years. Saves quite a bit of cash in the long run, right?
Keep in mind though, that IPL can cost a pretty penny, so don't be too alarmed when you see the price.
For one session itself, IPL costs around RM150-RM300 per session. However, if you wish to continue, taking a package is definitely more worth it, so do book an appointment with them to find out more.
If you're not comfortable in getting invested just yet, their first time trial price is not too bad. I had mine done for RM99 for Brazilian only.
The first thing we did was to shave off my hair. This was necessary as live hair is needed to be present for the IPL to detect the hair and laser it off. However, it can't be kept long as we need to zap it right down to the roots.
Next thing we did was that I was given a special pair of glasses to wear to protect my eyes from the laser. The therapist then poured some icy cold gel on the area before turning on the machine. The machine was a little loud, and I was slightly nervous about it.
"Is it gonna hurt?" I asked her.
"A little," she said."But not as bad as waxing so you'll be fine."
The first shock on my skin surprised me a little, but after a while, I got used to it and it wasn't so bad. Thank heavens for the cold gel! If I feel any slight discomfort or heat, the therapist would apply more gel before continuing.
After a few more stings, it was finally over and I was wiped clean and applied some soothing lotion. From what I was told, the hair will grow out before falling off and the next time the new batch grows, it'll be a lot finer.
So far, I do not feel any discomfort, nor is there any side effects for now. The only thing is that I feel slightly itchy because I shaved instead of waxing this time, but its not too bad.
For now, its hard to tell what is my final verdict of the whole treatment as its early days yet. I'll give it a few more weeks and see how it goes before deciding if I wanna continue the process.
Stay tuned to this post for more updates to come! What's your experience like with hair removal?
UPDATE: Week 1
So far, not much change has happened except for the fact that my hair seems to be growing like normal, except... when I plucked out a few hairs, I noticed that they have no bulbs. You know, usually when you pull out a hair, you'd notice the little bulb at the end which is called the root. It's not there anymore. Interesting to see where this is going...
UPDATE: Week 2
New things are unraveling! First off, the hair that seemed to be growing suddenly stopped growing one day and this morning, I found that quite a few hairs started dropping off! I could pluck a few of them without the use of tweezers. So freaky! Also, the hairs that I tweezed the week before hasn't grown since. I think its working.
So its been a week since I stepped into my first day at work in my new company. Honestly, the first day of work seems to be the most exciting thing, more exciting than the first day of school in fact, when my mom had to drag my sorry ass there.
It was fun planning out what my outfit should be, what kind of impression to make, what kind of jewelry and makeup etc...
But more than that, it felt like a new chance at life. Its like a new adventure to look forward to.
I won't get into much details of what I do and where I work of course, but after working here for about a week, I have a feeling that I'm gonna be here for quite a while.
Now, I'm not the most religious person around, but there was a time when I was absolutely miserable at my old job; I almost never come home on time for dinner, my salary was lesser than my own junior, there was always too much work, and the manager wasn't really the most encouraging person to work with. There were many times when I used to cry in the train on the way home due to the sheer stress, and yet, there was very little appreciation for what I do in the company. I knew I couldn't last long there and I had to leave soon.
So one day, after a disastrous fit with the manager and a very nasty email, I decided that enough was enough and I decided to quit. I didn't have a new job in line, nor did I have much of a plan; I was tinkering around with an online business and stocks, but I didn't expect to leave so prematurely. It was hard, but I don't deny that I did do a little happy dance after handing in my resignation letter.
Anyway, there I was, jobless in November. Weeks rolled by, Christmas came and went, and so did the New Year, Valentines day, and Chinese New Year. Eventually, I decided that I had spent enough time bumming around and that's when I started looking for a job seriously.
I went through several job interviews, but I couldn't find a company whose culture I liked very much. Believe me, its never about the salary for me. Of course, while its just as important to be paid your dues, I mostly value a company that values me and to find a good mentor is truly a blessing. It was also difficult as I looked for a company that will also provide a good work life balance. And in Malaysia, there's almost no such thing.
One Sunday morning, I sat down in church and prayed that I could find a job with some of the following criteria:
Very specific stuff. I did not expect to find such a company anywhere in Asia.
BUT! Three days later, I got a phone call from a headhunter, and she described the company which is EXACTLY what I asked for! Everything in the list. I truly believe it is a miracle.
And so here I am in this new company. I'm glad to report that I have been able to come home at 6pm consistently and still be able to see the light of day! My new colleagues are very supportive, and I feel truly valued whenever they ask for my opinions, or show genuine appreciation for the work I did, even in this short time.
Most of all, my new boss is a very intelligent person who is truly excited about sharing his knowledge with his team. When I first expressed my interest about getting started in investments, he actually sat down with me and taught me the basic skills on how to study the charts, but he never gave me specific ideas on where to put my money as that is entirely up to me. I learned so much during that sit down with him and I hope I'll be able to learn more.
FYI, the boss has written several books on managing wealth, so it was fortunate of me to find a mentor who is patient and a great teacher.
All-in-all, I had a fun time at work and I hope this could be the place I could truly grow in years to come. Wish me luck!
Anne is the author and founder of this blog. She likes to write about current issues, travels, food and the general struggles of a millennial.